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On Heartbreak; Loving, Hurting, Healing

I’ve read somewhere that a person is done healing, when they are able to use their experience to show compassion to someone who is going through the same thing. As I read those words, on one of those really cheesy, yet inspirational, instagram accounts, I took a deep breath and as I exhaled it was like all the emotions I was carrying from my past finally disappeared and took the weight off my shoulders with them. It finally occurred to me that I am closer to healed, than I thought… 

What is healing and what is the point of it?

It seems to me that life is an endless cycle of hurting and healing, experiencing the ups and downs, the yin and yang. When someone is in the depths of a hard period of their life it feels eternal and we forget that there is light at the end of the tunnel – but in order to come out of a negative experience with a positive outlook on it, and even a feeling of gratitude for it, we must go through a very tiring and emotionally draining processes of hurting. 

Healing is something that can take weeks, months or even years! It is not an easy process and it requires a lot of looking within, which most people (especially in the Western world) claim they have no time for. This results in a lot of our problems to be swept under the carpet to be ignored, or simply accepting them and persuading ourselves there’s nothing we can do. It takes great courage to actually allow yourself to go through all the stages of healing, and trust me, it feels as though there are a lot more steps than there actually are.

What is hurt and what is the point of it?

Some of the stages that are most commonly experienced while in hurting are: sadness, denial, numbness, anger, closure, acceptance. However, it does not look that simple when you’re in the midst of it all. It is not a linear process for everyone; there are a lot of back and forths, relapses and giving up that can also interfere multiple times. 

The worst part of it all, is the feeling of loneliness. You convince yourself that no one understands you, or that you are alone in it all and that is simply not the case. Our personal relationships are a key to help us get through this time and talking to your closest family or friends can create miracles. During this time it is also worth considering therapy if you feel like your feelings are getting uncontrollable or if the problem feels like it’s outgrowing you.

What is love and what is the point of it?

I promise you, once you leave that part of your life behind you and you come out on the other side again, it is all so worth it. You will come out as a different person; wiser, gentler, more compassionate, positive and with so much more love in you to offer for yourself and for others. Being open to love again after being broken is one of the bravest things a heart could do and we must be willing to accept it when it comes. 

I’ve come to realise that love and relationships are so important in our lives because it has less to do with the other person, and more to do with us. Every single person we love, even if it’s temporary, teaches us so much about ourselves. Even the toxic and unhealthy relationships can make us a better person, in fact those are the relationships that have the most lessons hidden in their cracks. For example, they can show us our own toxic traits that we didn’t know we had, they can reveal to us that we might need to work a bit more on cultivating self love and self worth, they can offer us the worst possible treatment so that when the right person comes along who actually treats us well, we are able to appreciate and accept it.

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